Ragnar: Wasatch Back 2011

We had an AMAZING time running our second Ragnar Relay!! We were able to run in the same van as my sister and hubby, plus two amazing women who turned into fast friends :)

I was runner #5, which had a 7.9 mile run,a 4.2 mile run,and a 3.5 mile run ( per my Garmin! ) More details to come! Right now, I'm still REALLY sleep deprived, even after sleeping for 16 HOURS last night (LOVE having older kiddos!)

Best pace: 7:45

Overall pace: 9:30

Finished Business...At last

Yesterday we were able to do the temple work for my brother, Dan, at the Salt Lake Temple. His headstone was also finally put in this past week. It was a beautiful experience. So grateful for the gospel.

My Last Run

Today I ran my last run...in a sense...

Today marks the 1st anniversary of my brother's death...and the last...

For the past year, I have run for him. To feel closer to him. To validate my feelings to him. To somehow try and connect with his spirit. To make up for all the runs I will not be able to take with him in this earthly life...

Today, I ran my last run for him...Tomorrow, I start running for me...

I made a promise to myself that this would be the only year I would "memorialize" my brother's passing. That I would not go year to year remembering one of the most agonizing days of my life. I have too many fond memories and cherished moments that I would rather recall, and "memorialize" than the day a part of me was taken.

Will I remember this day? Always. Will it stir emotions in my heart and soul? Always. Does it define my brother? Not at all.

So I give myself this one anniversary. I give myself this last morning run for my brother. Now I run for me, my soul, my husband, my children, and my testimony that I will someday run with my brother again, without any constraints of mortality.

I love you Dan, and the runs we will share...

9/12

This weekend (9/12) is my brother's birthday.

I have had more anxiety, sleepless nights, tears, and roller-coaster emotions for this date than any other date or holiday since his passing.

Which is so different than it use to be.

I use to relish Dan's birthday. We had such an idiosyncratic relationship, that it was almost as if our personalities showed the female and male version? We are sarcastic, brutally honest, and highly emotional, and tend to use very "colorful" words in our speech. (hehehe!)

Dan's birthday was my day to try and find the most unique way of telling my brother how much I loved him. This was hard, due to the fact he did the same for me! One year, he got me a French Book of Mormon, and wrote a beautiful message in the front page entirely in French with "Ton frere" (your brother) signed at the bottom. It would be hand-written letters that would arrive in my mailbox with cherished wishes and thoughts from his heart. The past few years though, he would take the time to personally/literally see that my birthday was complete. Dan is a major chef--not a "tinker in the kitchen" kind, but truly a cook that picks the HARDEST recipes and makes beautiful creations. One of these creations? The "Banana Colada Pie."

No matter where he was, or what he was doing, he made sure that I was given one of these exquisite pies every year for my birthday. We are taking cream custard, butter crusts, bananas, pecans, drizzled chocolate, and I'm sure a million steps to making this heavenly masterpiece.

Each year. For me.

Now you see what I had to "out-do" each year, which, let's face it, anything compared to that pie will ALWAYS fall short! I tried, though. One year it was a concert. The year of 9/11 it was a donation to the firemen and their families. Another year it was a unique pocket watch. Last year it was dog tags with a picture of him and his canine best friend etched into the plates.

This year?

My tears? The place that is vacant? The runs I long to go on with him? The yearning for his rich voice on the other end of the phone? The secret glances we'd share when we would be thinking the same thing?

My heart?

" i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)" -E.E. Cumings


Dan, for your birthday, I carry your heart.
xo Laura

My New Project : )

This is my new summertime project! I have the honor of getting to be a contributor on the site, and helping get the word out that you can have healthy YUMMY meals for the ENTIRE family!! Come see what all my excitement is about!


HealthyMomsKitchen.com

Memorial Day #1

"Run with me, my brother
This morning, you and I.
As we reach the brilliant peak ahead,
Side by side, you and I.

Run with me, my brother
I want to feel you near.
To know you are there beside me
Cresting over each new hill.

Run with me, my brother
You were not here today.
The wind chilled me as I ran,
And I struggled to run the way.

Run with me, my brother
What trails do you run now?
Where do you run so quickly?
And leave no compass to show me how?

Run with me, my brother
Fill my soul with strength and peace.
Run with me, my brother
For my love will never cease.

Run with me, my brother
Here upon the earthly ground.
Run with me, my brother
Not beyond, in Heaven’s round.

Run with me, my brother
Where I can run with you.
Run with me, my brother
Where the sun will shine anew."

-LPB 5/31/2010

Sugar Plum Fairy in the making...

It's official! We now have a Prima ballerina in the making! Ella was able to get fitted in her pointe shoes this past weekend. What a fun experience to watch! Brought back memories of my own experiences in ballet. She just beamed the entire time!

She had to try on a few pairs before she and her instructor, Melissa (LOVE her!) found one that fit her feet...

Gotta have those toe pads!!
Pre-releve....
Melissa is the BEST instructor!
En sousou!!
Full ensemble at home!
Just needs ribbons....
Sewing on her ribbons and elastic...

Almost done....
Ta-da!
Attitude....
Pose...
Contentment!
Strolling down memory lane...
Nutcracker, here we come!! But for now...our summer recital will bring Ella as the season of Winter...in her first "real" tutu!

Running with Rex down the Rabbit Hole

We had a great "Rex Lee Run" pre-snow : ) This was despite the fact that our GPS monitors mapped it at only a 5.6 mile run?! Wonder how many years it should have really been called the "Rex Lee 9K?!" (At least it is honoring the man over the Law School, and not the Math/Cartography department?!) We were even interviewed at the race by a BYU group (yup, we're famous! LOL) Even though my "stellar" pace (that is a 9K that is promoted as a 10K making my pace outstounding!!) Andy still ran by my side, despite his urge to sprint the whole thing! I had a good cry at the end in honor of my mom (who is amazing!) We ended the day tumbling down a rabbit hole with the family at the movies, followed by a great meal! Total bliss!

This is the picture best describing our relationship...Andy is always making me laugh!! We goof around so much!!

Ready...set....GO!
Yeah...these guys saw the first photo interaction, and knew we needed to be famous...LOL!
This one's for you, Mom!
Andy loves Mom!
Carolyn C. Pulley is a SURVIVOR!
Post run...Post cry...Good times!
Kids loved Alice in Wonderland...Ella even wore her hat for the occasion!
LOVE this picture!!

What a GREAT day!

Yeah....Noelle Pikus Pace and I are Tight!!

We were able to go to Noelle Pikus Pace's "Welcome Home" reception! It was amazing, inspiring, emotional, and wonderful! She was so surprised, and was really touched. I've worked with her on a Stake level a couple of years ago with a Youth Conference, and she is such a positive, and fun person! I respect and admire her so much, she truly does it all--athlete, mom, wife, sister, friend, church, community--oh--and a little thing called an OLYMPIAN!!

All right here in good ol' Eagle Mountain!

Yeah....We are "tight!"

What is Balance?

What is balance? Apparently, I don't have it...and I'm not talking about the ability to walk a tight-rope! (Although lately I feel that is exactly what I'm trying to do!) I mean balancing your life so it is harmonious with all you want to "stuff" into it.

With Stake Trek, work, 5000moms, the Utah Shrink-a-thon, mommy duties, hubby, and taking on the Ragnar training for my run in June, I feel like I am "hit or miss" on many items on my plate. Even though I feel that are all worthwhile, I still feel unbalanced, and messy.

So my friend wrote an article on "Quiet Time" a while ago. I read it back then and thought, " Great idea!" Did I do it? Nope. Do I need to do it? Yup. Yup. Yup! (You can read her article here) I think a lot of this "unbalance" stems from the loss I feel of my brother...I think I'm trying to stay so immensely busy, that I don't have time to think about it?

So, I'm going to try and dedicate my runs to being my "Quiet Time," as I try and find the balance to all those things I need/want to do. I need to prioritize, which I believe is my problem, in that I think of many things as equally important?! If I start with my own soul, then it should speak to me as to the order in which I put things....?