Ragnar: Wasatch Back 2011

We had an AMAZING time running our second Ragnar Relay!! We were able to run in the same van as my sister and hubby, plus two amazing women who turned into fast friends :)

I was runner #5, which had a 7.9 mile run,a 4.2 mile run,and a 3.5 mile run ( per my Garmin! ) More details to come! Right now, I'm still REALLY sleep deprived, even after sleeping for 16 HOURS last night (LOVE having older kiddos!)

Best pace: 7:45

Overall pace: 9:30

Finished Business...At last

Yesterday we were able to do the temple work for my brother, Dan, at the Salt Lake Temple. His headstone was also finally put in this past week. It was a beautiful experience. So grateful for the gospel.

My Last Run

Today I ran my last run...in a sense...

Today marks the 1st anniversary of my brother's death...and the last...

For the past year, I have run for him. To feel closer to him. To validate my feelings to him. To somehow try and connect with his spirit. To make up for all the runs I will not be able to take with him in this earthly life...

Today, I ran my last run for him...Tomorrow, I start running for me...

I made a promise to myself that this would be the only year I would "memorialize" my brother's passing. That I would not go year to year remembering one of the most agonizing days of my life. I have too many fond memories and cherished moments that I would rather recall, and "memorialize" than the day a part of me was taken.

Will I remember this day? Always. Will it stir emotions in my heart and soul? Always. Does it define my brother? Not at all.

So I give myself this one anniversary. I give myself this last morning run for my brother. Now I run for me, my soul, my husband, my children, and my testimony that I will someday run with my brother again, without any constraints of mortality.

I love you Dan, and the runs we will share...

9/12

This weekend (9/12) is my brother's birthday.

I have had more anxiety, sleepless nights, tears, and roller-coaster emotions for this date than any other date or holiday since his passing.

Which is so different than it use to be.

I use to relish Dan's birthday. We had such an idiosyncratic relationship, that it was almost as if our personalities showed the female and male version? We are sarcastic, brutally honest, and highly emotional, and tend to use very "colorful" words in our speech. (hehehe!)

Dan's birthday was my day to try and find the most unique way of telling my brother how much I loved him. This was hard, due to the fact he did the same for me! One year, he got me a French Book of Mormon, and wrote a beautiful message in the front page entirely in French with "Ton frere" (your brother) signed at the bottom. It would be hand-written letters that would arrive in my mailbox with cherished wishes and thoughts from his heart. The past few years though, he would take the time to personally/literally see that my birthday was complete. Dan is a major chef--not a "tinker in the kitchen" kind, but truly a cook that picks the HARDEST recipes and makes beautiful creations. One of these creations? The "Banana Colada Pie."

No matter where he was, or what he was doing, he made sure that I was given one of these exquisite pies every year for my birthday. We are taking cream custard, butter crusts, bananas, pecans, drizzled chocolate, and I'm sure a million steps to making this heavenly masterpiece.

Each year. For me.

Now you see what I had to "out-do" each year, which, let's face it, anything compared to that pie will ALWAYS fall short! I tried, though. One year it was a concert. The year of 9/11 it was a donation to the firemen and their families. Another year it was a unique pocket watch. Last year it was dog tags with a picture of him and his canine best friend etched into the plates.

This year?

My tears? The place that is vacant? The runs I long to go on with him? The yearning for his rich voice on the other end of the phone? The secret glances we'd share when we would be thinking the same thing?

My heart?

" i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)" -E.E. Cumings


Dan, for your birthday, I carry your heart.
xo Laura

My New Project : )

This is my new summertime project! I have the honor of getting to be a contributor on the site, and helping get the word out that you can have healthy YUMMY meals for the ENTIRE family!! Come see what all my excitement is about!


HealthyMomsKitchen.com

Memorial Day #1

"Run with me, my brother
This morning, you and I.
As we reach the brilliant peak ahead,
Side by side, you and I.

Run with me, my brother
I want to feel you near.
To know you are there beside me
Cresting over each new hill.

Run with me, my brother
You were not here today.
The wind chilled me as I ran,
And I struggled to run the way.

Run with me, my brother
What trails do you run now?
Where do you run so quickly?
And leave no compass to show me how?

Run with me, my brother
Fill my soul with strength and peace.
Run with me, my brother
For my love will never cease.

Run with me, my brother
Here upon the earthly ground.
Run with me, my brother
Not beyond, in Heaven’s round.

Run with me, my brother
Where I can run with you.
Run with me, my brother
Where the sun will shine anew."

-LPB 5/31/2010

Sugar Plum Fairy in the making...

It's official! We now have a Prima ballerina in the making! Ella was able to get fitted in her pointe shoes this past weekend. What a fun experience to watch! Brought back memories of my own experiences in ballet. She just beamed the entire time!

She had to try on a few pairs before she and her instructor, Melissa (LOVE her!) found one that fit her feet...

Gotta have those toe pads!!
Pre-releve....
Melissa is the BEST instructor!
En sousou!!
Full ensemble at home!
Just needs ribbons....
Sewing on her ribbons and elastic...

Almost done....
Ta-da!
Attitude....
Pose...
Contentment!
Strolling down memory lane...
Nutcracker, here we come!! But for now...our summer recital will bring Ella as the season of Winter...in her first "real" tutu!

Running with Rex down the Rabbit Hole

We had a great "Rex Lee Run" pre-snow : ) This was despite the fact that our GPS monitors mapped it at only a 5.6 mile run?! Wonder how many years it should have really been called the "Rex Lee 9K?!" (At least it is honoring the man over the Law School, and not the Math/Cartography department?!) We were even interviewed at the race by a BYU group (yup, we're famous! LOL) Even though my "stellar" pace (that is a 9K that is promoted as a 10K making my pace outstounding!!) Andy still ran by my side, despite his urge to sprint the whole thing! I had a good cry at the end in honor of my mom (who is amazing!) We ended the day tumbling down a rabbit hole with the family at the movies, followed by a great meal! Total bliss!

This is the picture best describing our relationship...Andy is always making me laugh!! We goof around so much!!

Ready...set....GO!
Yeah...these guys saw the first photo interaction, and knew we needed to be famous...LOL!
This one's for you, Mom!
Andy loves Mom!
Carolyn C. Pulley is a SURVIVOR!
Post run...Post cry...Good times!
Kids loved Alice in Wonderland...Ella even wore her hat for the occasion!
LOVE this picture!!

What a GREAT day!

Yeah....Noelle Pikus Pace and I are Tight!!

We were able to go to Noelle Pikus Pace's "Welcome Home" reception! It was amazing, inspiring, emotional, and wonderful! She was so surprised, and was really touched. I've worked with her on a Stake level a couple of years ago with a Youth Conference, and she is such a positive, and fun person! I respect and admire her so much, she truly does it all--athlete, mom, wife, sister, friend, church, community--oh--and a little thing called an OLYMPIAN!!

All right here in good ol' Eagle Mountain!

Yeah....We are "tight!"

What is Balance?

What is balance? Apparently, I don't have it...and I'm not talking about the ability to walk a tight-rope! (Although lately I feel that is exactly what I'm trying to do!) I mean balancing your life so it is harmonious with all you want to "stuff" into it.

With Stake Trek, work, 5000moms, the Utah Shrink-a-thon, mommy duties, hubby, and taking on the Ragnar training for my run in June, I feel like I am "hit or miss" on many items on my plate. Even though I feel that are all worthwhile, I still feel unbalanced, and messy.

So my friend wrote an article on "Quiet Time" a while ago. I read it back then and thought, " Great idea!" Did I do it? Nope. Do I need to do it? Yup. Yup. Yup! (You can read her article here) I think a lot of this "unbalance" stems from the loss I feel of my brother...I think I'm trying to stay so immensely busy, that I don't have time to think about it?

So, I'm going to try and dedicate my runs to being my "Quiet Time," as I try and find the balance to all those things I need/want to do. I need to prioritize, which I believe is my problem, in that I think of many things as equally important?! If I start with my own soul, then it should speak to me as to the order in which I put things....?

My LIfe and Threes

This afternoon my grandfather passed away. The cowboy. The rugged wrangler. Such a combination of tough, bitter, sweet and a few "swears!" I will miss him and his presence, and my heart goes out to my mom, and grandmother.

What is it about me and threes? I had to stop having babies at three, I utilize groups of threes in my home decor, my wedding ring utilizes three center stones, three is the minimum number of things I am do at a time, I am planning on running in three races this year, I often eat three apples a day, I have three siblings, I have three people I tell most everything to...

I know there is symbolism in art and history and religion with threes. These are three of my favorite subjects, especially the threes in art. It is just strange how threes are so prevalently manifesting themselves in my life, most currently the deaths of my brother in law, brother, and now, grandfather.

Maybe I should have stuck with #1?

You're good enough....you're smart enough....and doggon-it people like you!

Will this help?
I am running in the Ragnar Relay Race this June!!! 187.9 miles run by a group of 6-12 people within 24 hours! I'm so excited I could throw up?!!
I think this will help me greatly with the death of my younger brother in October. He was an AVID runner/trailrunner/leave me in the dust athlete!
Unless you write down your goal, it's just a wish...right?!

("you're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggon-it people like you..." )

A New Favorite Destination....

"Hopefully Mormon"

My favorite so far? "Orrin Porter Rockwell...The guilty pleasure of my Mormon Faith"

The Walls have Ears...

With New Year resolutions happening, especially where body image is concerned, I thought this article was great at making sure we aren't sending a negative signal to our daughters...as well as ourselves...

"Mom, Am I Fat?"

Be careful how you address yourself...The walls have ears!

The incredible shrinking woman...it could be you!

This is what I've been up to....being interviewed (and finding out about this video/interview right before it happens!) Come and "shrink" with me....it's going to be INCREDIBLE!!

Utah Shrink-a-thon/ Daily Herald

Gwen Stefani to Colada Pie

I had a wonderful birthday! 29 for the 11th time was simply charming! It began with honeyed toast and clementine oranges in bed. This was followed by opening my gift---a new alarm clock with TWO alarms (for those of us who need to be "gently" awakened) AND a place for my iphone to charge, and SPEAKERS to play my songs on! RAD RAD RAD gift!

I then hastily left my family, and went with my sister to a wonderful lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, where I had this:
It is their "Bang Bang Chicken and Shrimp" in a delightful, slightly spicy, curry and coconut dish. I had mine over just the veggies (no rice), as I was saving all my "carbs" for what REALLY mattered, which was this

Can you say "White Chocolate Raspberry?!"

Since we were so full (every part of my body felt bloated) we decided to go "burn" off the calories with a rigorous workout---SHOE SHOPPING!!

There is nothing more beautiful than the shoe department at Nordstroms...

And lucky for us, there were SALES!

As I perused the department, looking for "that" shoe that I didn't need, I saw the display...

This is what I saw:
Gwen Stefani...L.A.M.B...shiver...sigh...

I knew I shouldn't....I knew I should just walk away...I knew no good would come of it....

But I tried on a pair, anyway....

You would not believe the justifying that went on in my head...justifying a car payment for these shoes (that would go with ANY outfit short of pajamas!)

They felt like buddah on my feet...I could walk miles in them...and look OH SOOOO GOOD!!

I put them on hold.....and RAN!!! (Sorry to the cute salesman who probably thought I just paid for half of his commission check!)

BUT....I did buy:

AND...


After exhausting ourselves, and deciding that there are NO true knee length denim skirts for sale despite the fact that we are in Utah, we headed home (and don't say "Down East Outfitters," because if you are not short in stature, and have any height, these don't work unless you wear them on your hips!)

I got home to find a happy family that had been sledding. MIA were my husband, and daughter.

An hour later, they walked in...With a birthday cake signed with "Happy Birthday, #29??"
and a quart of MOCHA MUDSLIDE icecream!!
Many people say, "Oh, your must have SOME PARTY on your birthday?!" or "The world celebrates your birthday!" Don't even get me started on the psychological effects of being a child with a post-Christmas December birthday! And if the world was truly celebrating my birthday, wouldn't I get a lot more gifts?

Since 2009 was TOO eventful, I wanted calmness and stillness for my birthday evening. So we ended up watching "Minority Report" as a family (totally random). Nothing beats cuddling under quilts, a big screen tv, surround sound, and a movie!

Before the evening wind-down happened, my sister stopped by. In her hand was a pie plate. I knew what she had even before looking down at it. Colada Pie... This is no regular pie. This is a pie that takes time, meticulous efforts, and dedication to make. Cream, butter, sugar, banana, more dense cream, pecans, toasted coconut with chocolate (milk and dark) drizzled all over, on a thick and flaky pie crust. This was the pie I would request from my brother to make for me each year, in lieu of a birthday cake. I was holding the treat I looked forward to more than any gift each year, and the person who gave it was no longer here. "Dan would want you to have this" my sister said. We hugged and wept. Although I'm sure it tastes divine, I cannot bring myself to eat any...My brother's big, powerful, masculine hands, that could work magic with any culinary delights...now missing from the world...

I am truly eager for the new year! I look towards happiness, health, peace and prosperity. I am grateful for all that I have. I am grateful for everything from Gwen Stefani to Colada Pie...but especially all the stuff in between!!

Full Circle

Ten years ago, I was put into the Young Women organization of my Provo ward. I served there as 1st Counselor, and later, President for a space of 4 years. What a marvelous space of time!! I had the BEST young women!! Each one with different views, talents, laughs, strengths, trials and dispositions. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life, and I was personally blessed on so many levels by these amazing young women.

Now.....ten years later....we are reuniting! At the end of the month, we are having a "Laurel Reunion!" Some are working, traveling, going to school, mommies, becoming 1st time mommies, wives, aunts...basically taking on the world before them!

We have indeed come full circle. Instead of Sis B, I am now, Laura. Instead of a leadership role, it is now a sisterhood and friendship. I look at these young women and feel a depth of love and pride, almost maternal, but not quite. It's something indescribable, but so joyful to my soul.

Circles of life...beautiful to behold.

BIG!

Here it is!! I am so excited!! Please put this on your calendars and get ready for a SKINNIER, HEALTHIER, HAPPIER 2010!!! I will be directing a group in Eagle Mountain, and would love to have you be a part of changing your body and lifestyle while helping a wonderful cause! Contact me if you are interested! (See above details)

Give BIG, Lose BIG

Big news! I have hooked up with the Rose Education Foundation (a charity that gives support to schools in Guatemala) and am doing a fundraiser where not only can money be raised for this worthy cause....BUT......You will become SKINNY and HEALTHIER as you participate!!

I will be posting more soon.....!

(ps. This is NOT a "take a magic pill...eat only 500 calories a day....lose 40 pounds in two days" program. This is a program of healthy eating and lifestyle, that you can live on permanently...who's ready to take that step towards a healthier, happier, SKINNIER you?)

A Dress called Laura

I have a friend named, Carrie, who is the next Martha Steward/Tim Gunn....seriously....She is one of the most creative people I know. Well, it pays to have talented friends, for now I am famous...

Read on...