Monday's Prayer...

I saw this poem, and had to share it!! It is going to be my new "morning mantra..."

DEAR GOD
Author Unknown

Dear God,

So far today,
I've done all right.
I haven't gossiped.
I haven't lost my temper.
I haven't lied or cheated.
I haven't been greedy, grumpy,
nasty, selfish or overindulgent.

I'm very thankful for that.

But in a few minutes, Lord,
I'm going to get out of bed;
and from then on, I'm probably
going to need a lot more help.

Amen

Nirvana...

Mecca...Utopia...Ecstacy...Rapture...Paradise...all served with a lime!

Click...and enjoy a BEAUTIFUL site! Shoes of Yolanda : )

A Change of Luck

It has been a CRAZY few weeks! My husband has been gone on business for most of them...(He's in HAWAII this week...yes...VERY small violin playing...) I don't like the "single mom" thing!! This past Saturday, my kids had a test to move up another belt in Karate. It was a hectic and chaotic morning as I handed my youngest to my husband, (who I hadn't seen for a week) and headed out the door to take the kids to this event. When I climbed in the car, they started shouting (it was actually the GOOD kind of yelling, as in "glee!"), clapping their hands, and giving me high-fives...

I settled myself in, wondering what kind of sugar they must have consumed to be this energetic, my oldest proclaimed, "Our good-luck-charm!! She's here!! Mom...you are our 'good-luck-charm' for our tests!! We can't do it without you!!"

Wow.

(Tearing of the eyes.)

I have some wonderful children.

I am so lucky.

My Monument of Worms

I have been in a "mood" lately...I cannot properly put into words the frustration, irritation, anger, and destitude I have felt the past few weeks.

After some testing, my Endriconologist found that my thyroid is under-active...which most women DREAM of happening, because it can make you hold onto or gain a lot of weight, even if you ate nothing at all...Well, I was happy at first, because I had gained about 15 pounds during the past three months, and could not figure out why (not my eating habits, I was running/exercising regularly), as well as not sleeping well at night, which made me fatigued during the day, which was not helping my overall "happiness" equation!

I started taking the new medication, only to have my hair trauma (see "Bad hair day" post), acne worse than any High School experience, carpel tunnel at night, my blood sugar to raise (have I mentioned I'm diabetic?), and I GAINED 4 MORE POUNDS the first two weeks on I was on it!! After waiting 5 weeks, to see the "full" effects of the new medication, I weighed myself to find out that I had gained ANOTHER 4 pounds...That is 15+4+4 (you do the math!) I called my endriconologist and made an appointment.

After more tests, a change in medication (did you know that some generic replacements in prescriptions can have a -50% to a +115% range of effectiveness compared to the name brand? I found this out the hard way!) and going over all my new symptoms, the tests came back with the following news...My kidneys are not working fully!

Now...this might not be an immediate, life-altering predicament right now, but it hit me very hard...I have ALWAYS taken VERY good control of my diabetes, so it would never rule my life. I have been able to have three beautiful children, run and be active and involved in every aspect of life, and always had people be VERY surprised to find out I'm a diabetic. Along with this, my brother, who is not a diabetic, had his kidneys fail when he was 17, and was on dialysis until he was 20. So, when I took in all of this, I was very angry that I was not in control of my body...That all the hard work of monitoring and regulating my diabetes, eating right, and exercising was for naught, because my kidneys are not cooperating anyways!!

Then came Conference, and the general feeling/message was TAILOR MADE for me!! Many times during the talks, I heard "everyone has trials, hardships, issues, etc." which they need to "master and endure in this lifetime"...and we each need to bascially, "endure it well."

"Endure it well..." Hit me like a slap in the face...Christ suffered through everything...EVERYTHING...and I'm sitting here denying the suffering He did on MY behalf.

This is one of my favorite poems. You can find it in the front of the book, "Charlie's Monument" by Blaine M. Yorgason.

God, before he sent his children into the world,

gave each of them a carefully selected package of problems.

"These, "He promised smiling, "are yours alone.

Only you have the special talents and abilities

that will make these problems your servants,

and no one else may have the blessing these problems will bring you."

"So, go down to your birth, and to your forgetting.

Know that I love you beyond measure.

The problems I give you are a token of my love."

"The monument you make of your life,

with the help of your problems,

will be a token of your love for me."

Your Father

So many times we get caught up "eating worms..." Yes...I have some scary health issues...Yes...I am now taking EIGHT (did I studder?) medications...but I must be experiencing this for a reason...I am not perfect...and I KNOW I will complain again...but...I need to have the faith, and humility, to make the "package" my Father gave me, into my strengths.

You know she's from Utah when...

While running errands this past week, my daughter had a major meltdown...We went up to the mall, and to her surprise and horror, she saw the new "Macy's" sign on the side of the building...She screamed, "WHY did they get rid of the other store? It was a GOOD store!! WHY??!!" After a few moments of thinking, I realized why all the "agnst"...She thought that the "mall" had replace her Meier and Frank with a M-a-c-E-y-s...She could not understand why they would put a run down, thrifty grocery-store, in place of the glitz and glamour of good ol' MAF...

You KNOW you've lived in Utah far too long when your daughter's first reaction to a Macy's department store is panic, and visions of produce, instead of "do you have any money?"

That Warm Feeling

Each morning, my youngest comes into my bedroom, staggering, sleep-filled eyes still trying to adjust to the light, and climbs into bed and nestles up against me...It is like a little furnace that molds to your body...

This morning I awoke to my little "furnace," along with a warm...WET...STINKY... feeling...My son simply replied, "I went potty..."

No kidding...

Warm fuzzies? No...in our house it's more like "warm tinkles..."

September 11th 2001 - September 11th 2006

For those whose places we miss being filled...

"Bad Hair Day" just doesn't describe it...

So...I go in for my USUAL hair appointment...My stylist does my USUAL coloring...My hair turns it's USUAL blonde...except the lovely bright, brassy, UN-usually PEACHY weave in it!! She adds more blonde, which just emphasizes the peach even more...All this time, I am thinking,"What the crap is going on?" After she does it a second time, it does seems more blonde, but something still remains "off."

So...I go home...thinking it can't possibly be as bad as I think it is, and the lighting must of been "off" at her salon...I go to my bathroom...nope...it IS as bad as I thought it is. The blonde is great, but the low-light remains this brassy, peachy, "orange-cream-cicle" color. I panic...I obssess...I drive immediately to my friend's home, who happens to work in another salon.

T. is a SAINT!! She takes me to the salon, opens it up, and gets to work on my "problem." We decide to put some darker, low-lights into it, to balance out and hopefully compensate for the brassy color. She meticulously foils my hair, we sit and talk while it processes, and then we wash it out...

The blonde in my hair now looks PLATINUM, and the horrible, brassy, peach color is STILL SHOWING along the crown of my head. T is astounded as to what happened...Perhaps we need to try a more neutral, darker tone? She AGAIN applies a color-concoction that should balance out my hair to a smoother, darker, blonde...

Gray? Is it possible to go from platinum blonde, to GRAY? Apparently so...

At this point, I am feeling sick to my stomach...not emotionally...but physically sick to my stomach, as I run to the bathroom to puke-up some grape juice I had earlier....Not only do I have platinum blonde, brassy peach, and grey running through my strands, but apparently, I have the flu now as well. T then asks my an interesting question..."Are you taking any new medications?"

About six weeks ago, I started taking a medication for my thyroid...WELL...guess what? APPARENTLY it had affected my hair!! T said that she had started a new medication once, and then went to straighten her hair, and instead of smoothness, her hair came out VERY coarse, very dry, and very damaged...She then told me that medications can be expressed or found more readily in your hair, pores, and fingernails...

Suddenly a light came on...I had been experiencing REALLY BAD break-outs, and now my hair was not taking hair treatment that normally would have gone off without a hitch...I was amazed!

My dear friend came to my house the next day, and put a special clarifier on my head, which helped clear out any toxins or medications found in my hair. We then selected a new "color" (beige-medium-blonde or "10B" in salon terms!) and literally PRAYED for mercy, a miracle, a blessing and a dream of having my hair take the color correctly...

As T washed out my hair...She was silent (which is not a good sign, since this girl can TALK!!). I asked her what she was seeing, to which she silently said, "I think I still see peach..." I grabbed the mirror, went by the window, and took a look to find...

A BEAUTIFUL shade of 10B!! After we dried it, it solidified the moment when we could both take a huge SIGH OF RELIEF!! T was my saving grace!! She took time (three hours the first night, and 3 hours the next day) without hesitation, to help me out. THAT is true charity, and friendship!!

I'm getting use to my new "look"...Since I'm use to a VERY bright and blonde set of locks, I am constantly checking to see if it looks okay...It's a really pretty, subtle, and soft looking color, and matches my eyebrows...and in a few weeks, there WILL BE BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS!! I just have to get to the point where I can actually sit in a salon chair, with the smell of the chemicals, etc. without being nervous!!

So if you ever have a bad hair day...just remember...it could be A LOT worse!!

My Name is Yolanda...and I Don't Blog Enough...

It's funny how life is going along, and you are busy, even frantic at times,.. and as I think about all that is happening in my life, and the world around me, when I want to write a new post....BLANK!! For those of you who know me in person, I NEVER run out of things to talk about, and I have opinions on EVERYTHING...So why is it I get "writer's block" nearly every time I sit down to write?

So...My thanks to Melissa for the tag!! Now I have something to blog about!

1) How often do you blog? I usually check my blog everyday, and shed a tear when I cannot break past the number 5 on my comments...LOL. Then I check my "favs"....in no particular order...Melissa-Lisa-Amy-Suzie-Kacy-Sarah...along with many others I find along the way.

2) Alias: Yolanda

3) Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew? Isn't that what we do when we blog?

4) What do you do when you are bored? "Window Shop" online and see how much the total would be if I had unlimited funds...sigh...then empty basket.

5) What bathing, what do you wash first? My face. I have this OCD thing where I want the "freshest" water to clean my face...odd?

6) Have you ever been up for 48 hours straight? Prom night...College finals....Girls Camp....Labor....Anxiety....Just a few!

7) What color looks best on you? Black...turquiose...pink...dark brown...

8) Favorite drink? "Matcha Green Tea Blast" at Jamba Juice...with protein and an energy boost!

9) Do you believe in a Heaven and Hell as a real place that each of us will go to after death? Whatever we have created here, is where we will end up in eternity...

10) Do you find that you have more online friends than offline friends? Offline, actually.

11) What was your favorite subject in school? Elementary school: Art Junior High: Art High School: Humanities, Art College: All of my Major-related courses (French poetry, Specified Art History, Greek Art History, Mesopotamian Art History, Italian Renaissance Art History, Modern Art, ANYTHING Aurthur Bassett taught at BYU...)

12) Are you a perfectionist? Yes--I'm very demanding of MYSELF... I have been known to go a "little" over-board in callings, projects, baby-showers, birthdays...But I really enjoy myself in the process!

13) Do you spend more than you can afford? In the past...YES...Right now?...Working on getting into a new house...Budget, Budget, Budget...most of the time...

14) Is it better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all? How can you know how much you have loved, if you do not know the pain of losing it?

15) Do you consider yourself creative? YES! It stems from a childhood of having very little, so you learned to be VERY creative!

16) Do you give yourself the credit you deserve? Never...I also get very uncomfortable receiving compliments...(shudder)

17) Do you donate time or money to charities? Juvenille Diabetes, Kidney association, MS association, Primary Childrens, Breast Cancer. are my favorites...

18) Have you recently done something that you’ve criticized others for doing? Not usually (I'm pretty stubborn)...But when I do...I fess-up!!

19) What's on your mind? Waiting to hear if my friend has to continue chemotherapy...

I tag: SUZIE PETUNIA, and AMY LYNN...(I would also tag Carrie Ann...but we all know that would be futile...sigh....)

August 20th 1991-August 20th 2006

Yesterday marked 15 years of marriage...We went and did sealings at the temple on Thursday, followed by a fun trip to Park City on Friday, which included a facial that my husband surprised me with, followed by a lunch of some of the best sushi I have ever tasted!! It was MARVELOUS!!

Now...you might think that this sounds like we don't have a care in the world...that each year we do something similar, and that life continues on as each year adds to another...

NOT!!

One thing I HAVE learned from my 15 years is that marriage is HARD WORK...but all the sweat, tears, trials, struggles, disagreements, compromises, and tribulations that make you wonder what more you could possibly go through?...It is in that "refiner's fire" that creates a more beautiful, more endearing, more loving, more committed, more gratifying, and more UNITED bond than you could ever imagine.

One of my favorite stories is this: "The Story of Weibertreu Castle"

The city of Weinsberg, Germany, a free imperial/feudal city found itself caught in a battle between Wolf, Count of Bavaria (of whom they were loyal supporters) and the combined forces of Frederick, Duke of Swabia and his brother, the Emporer Konrad III.

The Weinsberg Castle was under siege. Those inside the castle were very strong, and able to resist the advances of the Emporer's forces. (At this time in German history, entire communities would live within the walls of the various castles). When the attackers realized they could not overpower the Weinsbergers, the soilders decided to wait until the city had used up all their supplies, as much of the city's cattle, other animals and farm land would be kept in areas outside the castle wall. Eventually, everything within the city walls was gone, and the inhabitants had no choice but to surrender.

When they surrendered, the women sent a message to the Emperor Konrad, asking him to arrange for safe conduct for all the women and children of the castle. (This would not have been unusual knight protocol--women and children were generally treated with mercy. The men, however, would be put to death). In addition, the women requested he promise they could keep for their families as many of their valuables as they could carry with them.

At the hour appointed when all the women and children could leave, the gates opened, and the women staggered out with their men on their backs. This meant they could not carry anything else, and so had made the choice to leave everything else behind. When the Emporer witnessed the women, their backs bent under the burden they bore, he began to weep. He was so touched by this display of love and loyalty that he promised the women that their men could go free. Not one man lost his life that day.

(Since that day, people have called that place "Weibertreue" Castle, or the castle of "women's fidelity.")

In a marriage, there are times when we, indeed, carry our husbands/wives on our backs as struggles and issues arise...It is in those moments of sacrifice, that we create a stronger bond of love for those whom we carry...For isn't your spouse your most valuable treasure?


August 20th 1991-August 20th 2006...and to all the years to come!

Making me Smile!

Hee hee...Gotta love it!

Are you talking to me?!

I'm not THAT old (people guess my age as 5-10 years younger than I actually am)...I'm fairly nice-looking...I'm stylish...I can hold my own against the "younger generation"...So why do I CRINGE each and every time the following phrases are being addressed, to ME!?
"Can I help you Ma'am?"

"Have a nice day, Ma'am."

"Thanks, Ma'am."

I do not want to be (as the dictionary defines)
"n : a woman of refinement..."

I never thought I'd be out of the "Miss-es" and becoming a "Ma'am..."

Crap!

My new favorite quote...

"I offer you peace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship.
I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings.
My wisdom flows from the Highest Source. I salute that Source in you.
Let us work together for unity and love."
- Mahatma Gandhi 

Sizzle...

Too hot to be in the house...Too hot to write...I'm just too, HOT!

Proposals...

Today I must of looked GOOD...Because a guy asked me to marry him...Right there...Standing in line at Alberstons...His exact words were along the lines of, "When you have someone wit' a package like that, who can work it, then you have to make a line for it!" This was followed by, "Don't tell your husband...I don't want him to bust-up on me!" followed by, "But hey, will you marry me anyways?"

My "suitor" was a a "traveling man" of sorts...With a big cold 44 to share...and the sweet smell of some old 44 on his breath...Yup...I'm kicking myself!!

I Am Slinky...

You are Slinky Heels!

You're an uptown, well put together woman But you're not too uptight to enjoy a hot club You're always the best dressed chick in the room And you'll only settle for the best in men

What Kind of Shoe Are You?



Well...that about says it! (LOL)
(Thanks to Smee for the link)

I LOVE "the Talk"

We have a tradition in our family. My husband and I decided that when our kids turn eight, that since it is the "age of accountablility," and that there is so much influence going on in the lives of our children, that we would have "THE TALK" sometime during the 8-9 year mark (depending on the nature and maturity of the child!), with the hope that we would be able to introduce them, in OUR way, to the topic.

I LOVE this talk, and look forward to it!! I don't know why people get all flustered when they gear up to talk to their children about good ol' procreation?! These are the reasons why I love it:

1) WE get to do the introduction, direction, and teaching of our children, so hopefully their first interaction with the subject is from US...so far, this has been the case!

2) We get to "build up" the excitement of the experience of their "special date." We tell them before-hand that they are going to get to go on a special date with mom and dad, ALONE, and get to hear about something AMAZING, SPECTACULAR, and SPECIAL! This gets them really excited, and more importantly, it creates a POSITIVE environment from the get-go. I think so many kids get into trouble because their parents either a) don't do anything or b) present sex and something that is "bad" or something that is "hush-hush." I WANT my kids to be able to talk to me about anything...even sex! I want them to know that when respected, sex is the most beautiful gift that our father in heaven has given us...the ability to create a life!

3) We get to teach them the concept of "love." They may "love" many people in their lives, but the type of love you must have to express it through sex is this: When that special someone says, "I love you so much that I want to take you to the temple, and be sealed to you forever and all eternity..." or (boys) "I love you so much that I want to take you to the temple, and be sealed to you forever and all eternity..." THIS is the type of loving gesture that comes after you have committed to one another in the holy temple.

4) The book we use, "Where Did I Come From," by Peter Mayle, is the BEST!! It uses the greatest illustrations (simple for kids...comical for adults...but realistic), correct definitions, and basically takes you from head to toe, from what happens in sex to having babies, in a way that children can understand, and not feel overwhelmed by. We start by asking our kids what is the greatest thing on earth? (people) Wouldn't it then be amazing to learn how a person is created? What do you remember about the birth of (younger sibling, friend, cousin, etc.)? How do YOU think babies get into the mommy's tummy? Is it important that a mommy and a daddy love each other? How do you show someone you love them? (hugs, kisses,) How does mommy and daddy show each other? (hugs, kisses, more kisses!) Did you know that there is a an even bigger, better kind of action that a husband and wife can do? It makes them feel really good and loved AND--and this is the most exciting part--this special kind of action is what can get a baby started growing, inside of a mom!

5) The expression on my kids face when they hear what happens during sex...PRICELESS!

6) We get to express to them the joy they have brought to our lives--the joy that hopefully they will be able to experience with that special person, as they create their own "forever family."

What is there to be embarrassed about?

(Two down...one to go!!)

The Gentle Weapon

So...We again tried a night out to dinner as a family...My three year old just DOES NOT get it!! So, we are sitting in the restuarant, with my son going CRAZY, and I overhear the people at the next table talking:

Snotty lady with plug up bottom: "Dad...do you want to go to another room? Because we can move to another room..."
Father of Snotty lady with plug up bottom: Looks DIRECTLY at me as they pass.

I was talking to my husband in the car and told him how I should of gone up to them and said, "I'm sorry about my son...It's just with his TOURRETTES/AUTISM/BEING A THREE YR OLD! can be hard to manage...Sorry I wrecked your "perfect" world..." but I'm just a stay-at-home-mom, who had "a day," who wanted a nice dinner, with no dishes to do, and to sit at a table with the people who are most important to me..."

Then it got me thinking about how the world is so judgemental...how outside appearances are taken with NO grain of salt...What if my child DID have special needs? No one can know all that goes on behind the eyes of a person. I have a dear friend who is beyond beautiful...She models, seems to get skinnier with each child, has a beautiful home, and is so talented in so many ways that I cannot number them all. By a "glance," she looks like she has it all...and unfortunetaly, there have been many "sisters" in her ward who have resorted to their high-school mentalities, and have treated her VERY cruelly. She was recently put in as RS President (oh boy!), and besides this and the fifty million other things she does, she found out that she has to start chemotherapy (for the THIRD time) to help treat her lupus, which is affecting her heart...

Appearances can be many things...but if you live your life by them, judge by them, and condemn by them, no matter how wonderful your own appearance, the ugliness is still there.

So...Be nice to the mother with the screaming child...Be kind to the women in your ward who you think never has anything "bad" happen to her...Be the kind of person who doesn't judge based on appearances...Be that kind of person who truly tries to "see."

"Show me the goodness, the beauty, the kindness in everyone I meet. "
— Rebbe Nachman of Breslov in The Gentle Weapon

(I guess this means even "Snotty Lady with Plug up Bottom" might have "issues.." I guess I should call her "Snotty Lady wih Plug up Bottom Who Might be Pretty on the Inside.")

"Good Wood," Fingernails, Corneas, and Tetanus...An Evening with my Family

Well...Here goes!

Friday night, I decided that we would all have a family "splurge" and go to "Good Wood" restaurant for dinner. It seemed like a really good idea...at the time...but now...I'm not so sure...

I have a typical three year old who, like any other three year old, does not do "overtly" well in restuarant settings. (This should of done some foreshadowing for me!) We had just gotten our order (yummy, yummy steaks, garlic potatoes, salads....YUM!) and had begun eating, and smiling, and sharing tastes, and smiling, when my youngest said "I need to go potty!" So...being the good mom, I excused us and headed with who I refer to as my little "banshee", into the restroom. Things went well...It was a "direct hit" into the toilet, no "struggle," and we were in the process of getting shorts back on when suddenly...IT happened...

My "excitable" and totally unpredictable three year old suddenly threw up his arms, and with the knife-like skill of a ninja, his fingernail SLICED into the CORNEA of my EYE! Let's just say this...I have NEVER felt pain like this before in MY LIFE!! Labor, tattoos, broken bones, stitches...NOTHING comes close!!

After trying to compose myself, I went back to the family at the table and told them what had happened. It was either the fact that they a) Didn't care b) Were enjoying too much steak or c) Didn't hear me, but my hand cupped over my tearing/swollen eye as I was white-knuckling the edge of the table did not have quite the effect I had anticipated. (Did I MENTION the PAIN?!)

When we got home, I was in such agony that (after I AGAIN explained to my husband, who FINALLY realized that I had not been "hit" in the eye, but that my actual EYEBALL had been LACERATED!) I took 800 mg of ibuprofen, and a percocet that I had left from my last pregnancy...An hour later...STILL IN PAIN, tears flowing like a river...

I sent my husband to go and get me some saline drops to clean out my eye, where the DEAR pharmacist told him that he had better get me into a doctor, ASAP! So, at 10:45pm, we had a family outing to the ER.

After they numbed my eye (HEAVEN!!) they put special ink into it, and the doctor basically told me I had one of the largest lacerations he had seen...We weren't talking about a single, short line, but a whole, continuous circle shape that sliced my cornea over part of my pupil and iris areas!

Before I left, I got three prescriptions (1 antibiotic, 1 anti-inflamatory, and a bottle of percocet:) ) as well as a special "parting gift"...a nice, big TETANUS shot!!

My dear friend got sealed to her husband and family today...You know how you are not supposed to "upstage the bride?"...Well...I tried my best not to when I showed up heavily dosed on percocet and wearing my black EYE-PATCH!

Tomorrow I have to teach Gospel Doctrine...Maybe I should just bring "Pirates of the Caribbean" and blame it on the percocet?!

Dads are SUPER!!

Happy Father's Day, to all!!

A little message for all our guys...click on the above!