I'm just putting it out there......I AM STRESSED!! I'm not the type to share my worries with the general public, not even my close friends and family....Perhaps I take it as a sign of weakness in myself? So it's odd and very irregular that I am typing this into a post?! Regardless, the past few weeks have really tried my soul, body, and emotions.
I have been looking for a job for the past couple of weeks. (Thank you economy!) I'm angry that I have to go back to work, instead of being able to finish out the school year with Simon's kindergarten only being a few hours a day, as well as an active (and boy crazy!) 5th grader, with a creative and wise 7th grader at the helm. I have been lucky, in that my husband works his amazingly cute back-side off for me, so that I have been able to stay home with my kids after the birth of my second. But sometimes, life is hard, and sacrifices have to be made.
I have no problem with going back to work. I refuse to go into debt. I refuse to put things on credit. Case closed. I thank my father, who instilled a very strong work-ethic into me, "allowing" me to work during High School, and paying for my own College Education with summer jobs, and full-time jobs during my years of school. For the example of my grandmother, who worked a good portion of her life at the local High School for many, many years. I look at my mom, who is still on chemo, who insisted on going back to work, if even for just a couple of days a week. We don't wait for things to happen, we MAKE them happen!
But it still stinks. And along with this avenue of my life, I have also begun the journey which is "Stake Girls Camp." As the 1st counselor, I am over camp. Almost 300 girls. I have been blessed with an AWESOME Camp Director, and assistants....but....did I mention that two of them are pregnant, and will give birth sometime between the months of april and may? That two of the Presidency I serve with are pregnant? And will give birth anywhere between march and april? This means Camp will be on me.....the President's responsibilities will be on me...and I will be on LARGE amounts of Excedrin!! (WHY WHY did I give up caffeine????!!!) I have a minimum of 3 camp meetings a month, numerous Stake meetings, firesides, trainings, ward conferences, etc. Part time job? I ALREADY GOT a part time job (LOL)!!!!
I have a friend who posted about healthcare. This is another source of great stress for me. I feel guilty that because of my medical needs, we have to spend so much on my prescriptions and supplies. These aren't the things you can cut out of your budget...believe me, I wish I could!! The money spent on them would basically pay our mortgage!! OUR MORTGAGE!! People without chronic diseases need to realize how lucky they are, and how much worse it could be!! (Which, in and of itself is extremely sad to say!) Regardless...I stress about this.
Yet, as I'm sitting here typing this, I realize I have SO MUCH to be grateful for....SO MUCH I have been blessed with... and for every stressful item, there are a handful of things that come from that stress that are sources of blessings and happiness!!
I also know that the Lord tests us....and that most times it is not pleasant...but in the aftermath...you see the blessings...it's just enduring until the aftermath!! I was talking to a friend about "seasons of life...." I asked her, "What about the 'season of life' that says, 'you need to win a large amount of money, travel to Greece, and go shopping in New York?!!' I want THAT season next!!"
So I sit here, waiting until noon to hear back about one of my interviews. Waiting to hear my destiny. Hopefully, I can still wear great shoes?!!