10/25/2010

My Last Run


Today I ran my last run...in a sense...

Today marks the 1st anniversary of my brother's death...and the last...

For the past year, I have run for him. To feel closer to him. To validate my feelings to him. To somehow try and connect with his spirit. To make up for all the runs I will not be able to take with him in this earthly life...

Today, I ran my last run for him...Tomorrow, I start running for me...

I made a promise to myself that this would be the only year I would "memorialize" my brother's passing. That I would not go year to year remembering one of the most agonizing days of my life. I have too many fond memories and cherished moments that I would rather recall, and "memorialize" than the day a part of me was taken.

Will I remember this day? Always. Will it stir emotions in my heart and soul? Always. Does it define my brother? Not at all.

So I give myself this one anniversary. I give myself this last morning run for my brother. Now I run for me, my soul, my husband, my children, and my testimony that I will someday run with my brother again, without any constraints of mortality.

I love you Dan, and the runs we will share...

5 comments:

Amanda said...

I admire you for taking the time you needed to memorialize your brother's death and I wish you luck and much success in moving forward.

Steph said...

your amazing! I love you and the way you look at things. I'm sure he is waiting for runs with you again as well! Love you!

Grammy Cindy said...

You Rock!! I love you!!

Suzie said...

Beautiful post...thank you for sharing! I have nothing but the fondest memories of Dan. My thoughts and prayers are with you and all of your family today. Love you!

Melissa J. Cunningham said...

A beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing this. Running is so therapeutic for so many reasons.

I can see why you'd want to dedicate this year to him and I'm sure he's very proud of you and would want you to do it now for yourself. I'll bet he'll still be there once in a while, running next to you though. Love you.