I have been in a "mood" lately...I cannot properly put into words the frustration, irritation, anger, and destitude I have felt the past few weeks.
After some testing, my Endriconologist found that my thyroid is under-active...which most women DREAM of happening, because it can make you hold onto or gain a lot of weight, even if you ate nothing at all...Well, I was happy at first, because I had gained about 15 pounds during the past three months, and could not figure out why (not my eating habits, I was running/exercising regularly), as well as not sleeping well at night, which made me fatigued during the day, which was not helping my overall "happiness" equation!
I started taking the new medication, only to have my hair trauma (see "Bad hair day" post), acne worse than any High School experience, carpel tunnel at night, my blood sugar to raise (have I mentioned I'm diabetic?), and I GAINED 4 MORE POUNDS the first two weeks on I was on it!! After waiting 5 weeks, to see the "full" effects of the new medication, I weighed myself to find out that I had gained ANOTHER 4 pounds...That is 15+4+4 (you do the math!) I called my endriconologist and made an appointment.
After more tests, a change in medication (did you know that some generic replacements in prescriptions can have a -50% to a +115% range of effectiveness compared to the name brand? I found this out the hard way!) and going over all my new symptoms, the tests came back with the following news...My kidneys are not working fully!
Now...this might not be an immediate, life-altering predicament right now, but it hit me very hard...I have ALWAYS taken VERY good control of my diabetes, so it would never rule my life. I have been able to have three beautiful children, run and be active and involved in every aspect of life, and always had people be VERY surprised to find out I'm a diabetic. Along with this, my brother, who is not a diabetic, had his kidneys fail when he was 17, and was on dialysis until he was 20. So, when I took in all of this, I was very angry that I was not in control of my body...That all the hard work of monitoring and regulating my diabetes, eating right, and exercising was for naught, because my kidneys are not cooperating anyways!!
Then came Conference, and the general feeling/message was TAILOR MADE for me!! Many times during the talks, I heard "everyone has trials, hardships, issues, etc." which they need to "master and endure in this lifetime"...and we each need to bascially, "endure it well."
"
Endure it well..." Hit me like a slap in the face...Christ suffered through everything...EVERYTHING...and I'm sitting here denying the suffering He did on MY behalf.
This is one of my favorite poems. You can find it in the front of the book, "
Charlie's Monument" by Blaine
M. Yorgason.
God, before he sent his children into the world,
gave each of them a carefully selected package of problems.
"These, "He promised smiling, "are yours alone.
Only you have the special talents and abilities
that will make these problems your servants,
and no one else may have the blessing these problems will bring you."
"So, go down to your birth, and to your forgetting.
Know that I love you beyond measure.
The problems I give you are a token of my love."
"The monument you make of your life,
with the help of your problems,
will be a token of your love for me."
Your Father
So many times we get caught up "eating worms..." Yes...I have some scary health issues...Yes...I am now taking EIGHT (did I studder?) medications...but I must be experiencing this for a reason...I am not perfect...and I KNOW I will complain again...but...I need to have the faith, and humility, to make the "package" my Father gave me, into my strengths.
