It was late, and I barely noticed the covert note sliding under our bedroom door...
Dear Mom,
I want a baby sister.
I need another girl to hang out with besides Kayli and Lilli (cousins).
I need a girl.
I want a sister.
Love, Ella
How can you respond to this when you would only LOVE to oblige? When you heart and soul mourn the fact that your body is done? When you are not Angelina Jolie who can afford to build a wing for an orphanage in exchange for an easily expanding family? My heart is full...but empty at the same time. How do you adjust to your "season" in life?
I use to stay up late at night, thinking of what I would name future children (this was even after I knew I could not have anymore children!) It has been a while since I have done that.
(If it is a girl...Lola Jill...If it is a boy...Lars Monroe...)
Shoes of Yolanda
5 comments:
Ah, what a request. I had to stop before I wanted to also Yo. It was a difficult decision, and I am disappointed on occasion knowing I have an empty home when I really wanted to have more. But alas that's the way it was. I can only empathize with you on this one, no advice to give at all.
Oh, how I can relate! I am going through the same thing. I had really felt that I was supposed to have another baby.
Now, I look back on the whole experience of the last few months and feel that I was given it to show me that my body couldn't handle another pregnancy. So that I wouldn't always wish I had tried one more time.
I am still sad that I am done too. I did not want to be. It has forced me to evaluate my life and point myself in some new direction to give it meaning.
I derive a lot of meaning in having babies and raising them. Now, I will just raise big kids. They are cool too, I guess!!
I'm SO WISHING we could hang out and "vent!" It's nice to have a friend who is trying to "adjust" to her season, like me!
Losing this last baby, was very hard. I am still trying to adjust-
Isabella Grace (Has to be a princess name)
You have all my sympathies and my heart. I can't imagine your struggle.
My only suggestion comes from personal experience in answering other difficult questions from my own children. I had to get to a place where I could calmly explain to these young little minds the *reasons/facts* why some of our dreams, wants and wishes *may not* come to fruition.
ALWAYS give hope because there IS always hope, however when I offered the medical (and/or other) reasons for why things may not change to our hoped outcome things were easier on all of us.
hugs
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