A fish on dry land...The black sheep...I feel so under-qualified and miscast that it is giving me huge anxiety! I feel so overwhelmed with my new calling, and wonder how I ever got cast into this arena. Why did the Lord chose me? How am I to be an example to those I've been called to serve? As I was sitting at a meeting tonight, I was suddenly struck with how obvious it was that I am a different kind of folk. While others speak of making Stake dances more "spiritual" in nature, I sit and think how much fun it would be to get out and dance with them! I got chastised for bringing my caffeinated beverage to a church activity! I am never dressed appropriately...meaning...I always get my meetings confused, and end up showing up in jeans and a top, when I should be in a dress, and vice versa! I am more comfortable with the young women, then the leaders I work with! WHAT have I gotten myself into?! I feel like someone is pointing a finger at me, and I am sitting here, looking behind me to see who they are pointing to!
I am beyond wanting to hear about being in the right place, when at the moment, I'm trying to think of how I can suddenly be pregnant or comatose for the next three years!! Right now, I feel like I am the poster child for weaknesses, without the attached "becoming strengths..."
I do have a testimony. I love the gospel. I know how blessed I am....Perhaps that is why I feel so out of my league...Because I know what is expected, and I just don't know if I can deliver it.
Shoes of Yolanda
7 comments:
It's because, they need your light and verve.
You're a perfect fit.
I would have much rather had a leader who was fun and I felt connected with than stuffy old maids! I think you are cool and I want you to be my leader!
I think the spirit can be in a place where there is laughter and fun! (and caffine)
You rock keep up the good work!
WHO you are is EXACTLY is why you were called!!
You must not have any idea how your personality draws others in. It is a personality like yours that the young women will relate to and connect with...you will be one of those leaders the girls will remember for the rest of their lives.
How many of the young women have thought or said aloud those very words?
I too feel like I am the odd man out in my presidency. They come from Ozzie and Harriet backgrounds while I know what it is to live out of a suit case with divorced parents. They have never felt hunger while I have lived on nothing but flour and water pancakes. They are fit, trim, and have finances and homes that could be in magazines. And yet there I am.
I am there, according to my setting apart, to be the voice for the sisters in the stake who have no voice, who feel unloved, who feel neglected, who feel they don't fit in or belong. I know those feelings very well and I do advocate for their needs almost weekly!
I had a sister last week tell me she *finally* felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel for her because *I* was in the position I was in. If I could make it, so could she. She always saw the "perfects" in the leadership callings and now there I was! (Not too sure it was a compliment, but I understood what she was saying)
Heavenly Father placed you in your calling for a purpose as well. Perhaps it is because you can not just sympathize, but actually empathize with the young women in a way they need right now. I am sure there is a young gal who silently thanks Heavenly Father for *you* being her leader.
How funny that you and I have so many of the same feelings.
I was primary pres. for 6 months a few years ago. Lisa was the secretary.
We had a lot of problems in our presidency so we dispanded. Not from being fired but because I didn't want to keep doing it the way it was. That is not the story. The story is that we made primary, in spite of our problems REALLY fun!
The kids loved it. My opinion is that after an hour of sitting quietly, being reverent in sacrament meeting, that primary should be fun! It should be a positive experience and NOT boring. EVER. We weren't racous and bouncing of the walls but we laughed and learned.
Well, the gals who replaced us totally changed things. Primary became quiet, reverent, subdued...and dare I say it? BORING!
It felt like a slap in the face to the way we had set things up.
I really struggled with it. Feeling like I was a failure. Feelings of inadaquacy and Feelings like I had done it wrong. One of the only things that helped was that kids would come up to me all the time and say they missed me and that it was no fun anymore without me. I loved that.
Now I know in my heart that it was Satan trying to discourage me. All it was, was a difference in style.
You have your own style. Your style is fun. Yes, we have to be careful as leaders as we are examples to the people we lead. But never lose sight of the fact that you were CHOSEN. You have something to give. Something wonderful. Something no one else can give.
Making dances fun does not mean making them bad. You can use these experiences to infect the other leaders with fun! You can do it!
I have never had the "caffeine" problem with pop. I don't like pop and never have. Gives me gas. Anyway, it's easy for me so say that we shouldn't drink it. But I have other vices we will not name on line. Is that something you should give up? Who the hell knows??? I certainly can't judge but I do believe we are called to see our own weaknesses and faults.
My mission did that to me and it was really hard. I didn't like looking at myself so deeply.
I know you will do great. I would love you as my leader. Just PLEASE remember to be yourself. Don't lose who you are in trying to fit in with a mold that others think you should fit.
Think of all the "greats". They never fit in either.
I'm with the others...
You have a purpose.
I'm definately opposite of perfect... but everytime I'm called into a presidency I feel it more intensely.
Hang in there pal... You'll see the reasons. :)
Keep doing what you feel inspired to do.
You gals don't know how much I needed you!!! It's odd, how I am so adamant,opinionated, and confident--yet at the same time, I am not indestructible or void of feeling or questioning myself.
Love to you all.
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