3/28/2006

A Vacation with Me, Myself, and I

Since a very young age I have always been very self-reliant, motivated, and basically very independent. Perhaps this is due to the fact I was the eldest in my family, and my parents held extremely high expectations of me, coupled with the fact that we moved a lot growing up, which meant I never had a secure or constant group of close friends to "evolve" with, thereby, I became very comfortable with the concept of finding happiness and purpose, without a crowd of close friends.

Lately, I have been feeling very...what's the word...indifferent? I have a set of six friends, who over the past 3-8 years have become my touch-stones, my confidants, my sounding boards, my little circle of "sisters." But...have you ever just wanted to be alone? Over the past couple of months, I have felt the desire to not extend myself, to anyone outside my family. Is it because I became so comfortable with being independent when I was growing up that now I sometimes would rather not put forth the efforts of play-groups, outings, book clubs, phone calls? Does it mean I need change? Does it mean I am rude? Does it mean that I am being selfish?

Or...is it residual from past experiences, where I have given, and given, only to be hurt or betrayed later in the relationship? (okay...now I am getting too psychological, too emotional, and too introverted!)

Regardless, I have decided to call it a little vacation...a vacation of just me...me, myself, and I! I hope that it is just a phase...Maybe I just need to rejuvenate...Maybe I need a new hobby...Maybe I need to re-invent myself...Maybe I just need a really long nap...?! Or maybe, I should just enjoy my "vacation," not feel guilty, and hug, kiss, and spoil my kids and husband with all the love and time I am granting myself?!

Now THAT sounds like a FUN vacation!!

2 comments:

hi, it's me! melissa c said...

You're right on the money, my dear. Everyone feels that way I think. There are times when I get tired of other women! Can you believe that? I really need my friends but I too like a break from bickering, back biting, gossip, or feeling rejected. Now of course it's is not all bad but I really like to put most of my time into my familiy. I have only a couple of really close friends I ever so anything with and they are as busy as I am so we get lots of breaks from eachother anyway! Have a nice trip!

Amy Lynn said...

I hear you. I have decided that just the sheer day to day of trying to take care of my little people wears me out and I just crave "ME" time. When I'm worn out physically and emotionally, I just want peace and quiet. I have become so much more introverted than my previous years. It is OK. Enjoy the quiet and call me when you want to play! :>)